he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
