spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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