I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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