Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
