Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
i've created a new STD.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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