I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
be right there i have to get my cape
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize