:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
