I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
