He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
