dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
