Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize