my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
