Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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