Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
