I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
