I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
