my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
