were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
