Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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