The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
