if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
This is the high leading the old right now
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
