Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Text me some of your sweat
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