Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
