My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
