i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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