Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
