YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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