she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
