jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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