yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
