it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
pray to the hookup gods
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
