My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
