You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Two words: blizzard sex
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
