I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize