There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
