I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
