Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I think my vagina is haunted
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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