Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
