Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
