Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
