Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
