how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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