Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
