we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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