How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
