Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
