You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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