Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
