My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
