Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
