I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Randomize
