Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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