So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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