I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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