Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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