I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize