Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Randomize
