Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
