bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
