i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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