We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
