Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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