just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize