Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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