Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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