He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
