My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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